


Fix Me

by dirkygoodness



Series: Angels, Demons, Winchesters, Oh Shit! [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU where Gabe is alive n lives with the boys in the bunker, Angst, Babies, Cas is Human, Cas is a sad puppy, Dean is mad but forgives him, Fluff and Angst, M/M, a little fluff, sometime in season ten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-09 05:09:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3237503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirkygoodness/pseuds/dirkygoodness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It as was a deep longing somewhere in his stomach. It ached when he was away from Dean, hurt like a paper cut. You felt it there, throbbing, painful. But you couldn't do anything to stop it. But when he was with him, beside Dean, it was worse. It was indescribably uncomfortable and yet he wanted it to be there so bad. Because if it was there then that meant that he felt something for the hunter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fix Me

**Author's Note:**

> Don't know why I named it this but whatever  
> Sorry for inconveniences, misspellings, and any other mistakes I tried to fix as much as I could.

The door in front of him was wooden, solid and strong. Maple. Even without being an angel Castiel could tell that much. Like most of the doors in the bunker, actually. He was even sure that the bathroom doors were wooden. 

Doors weren't important right now, however. He was here for a reason. Castiel was there to see Dean. Sam had called him, and how relieved he'd been to hear the hunter was human again. He might not be in the perfect health - he still had The Mark of Cain on his arm - but at least he was human. But now that he was there, standing in the bunker for the first time since Dean had kicked him out, he feels like he's intruding. Almost misplaced, because he wants to be there - finds the bunker comforting, but he was thrown out. He wasn't really welcome here. At least not by Dean. Castiel shuffled his feet awkwardly, moving his hands out of his pants pockets. 

Then there was Sam. He was counting on Castiel to get through to Dean. Hell, Cas was counting on himself to get through to the hunter. Though he doubted that he'd actually be able to do it. Yet he didn't want to let Sam down. He'd been a good friend to Castiel after all that had happened. He might not have been in contact with Dean, but Sam called him every now and again to see how he was doing. Even after his brother died, Sam still tried to make sure that Cas was alright. 

There was also Gabriel. He'd had a quick reunion with the archangel, confused and happy and sad all at once. (He'd never understand how humans could have multiple emotions at once. It confused him - like many things about humans.) He'd thought he'd been dead, but here he was, chilling out with the Winchesters. Castiel wasn't all that surprised that out of all the people he could have gone to first, It'd been these two.  
  
He sighed. Right now everything was messed up and clashing together to fast for it to be even remotely comfortable, for anyone. 

Castiel lifted his hand, knocking on the door. His knuckles stung slightly after and he pulled his hand away quickly. He still wasn't used to pain - human pain. It was different than when he'd been an angel. It was more frequent, more intense for something that shouldn't have even made him blink. Pain came from more mundane things now, like running in his foot into a wall. 

"Sammy, for the last time, I'm not tired, not hungry, not thirsty, not-" Dean's door swung open and Castiel had to jump back a step to not get hit by it. He blinked as Dean froze, his gaze locking with the ex-angel's. The hunter looked taken back. Castiel realized then that he wanted nothing but to hug Dean, to be held, to hold. He hadn't seen him in so long, let alone touched him. Yet he held himself back. It wasn't the time for that.

"Oh." Dean swallowed hard, his eyes going over Cas. The brunette stiffened under his gaze, blinking again. "Castiel."

"Yes." He responded almost too quickly. He hoped Dean hadn't seen it, but even if he noticed he didn't react. Castiel was almost sad at that, and partly thankful. 

"Why're you here?"  

"Because-" Cas' brow furrowed, confusion taking up the features on his face. Why did Dean need to ask? Wasn't it obvious? It was to Castiel. Blatantly so. I'd been his first instinct, coming here. He wouldn't question it, like you don't question the impulse to push your hair behind your ears. It was just something people did. And even if they weren't the best of terms, he still felt something for Dean.  _Something_. That was for sure. It was another one of those mixed emotions things. Cas wasn't even sure he knew the names to all the emotions he was feeling when it came to Dean.   
  
The best he could describe it as was a deep longing somewhere in his stomach. It ached when he was away from Dean, hurt like a paper cut. You felt it there, throbbing, painful. But you couldn't do anything to stop it. But when he was with him, beside Dean, it was worse. It was  _indescribably_ uncomfortable and yet he wanted it to be there so bad. Because if it was there then that meant that he felt something for the hunter.

"Well, you, Dean. I'm here because of you." Dean took that into consideration, seeming to roll what Castiel had said over in his head. After a few seconds Dean stepped aside, waving into his room with a sweeping gesture. Cas took it as a welcome, walking into Dean's room quickly, afraid that if he didn't he'd close the door. When he turned around Dean had shut the door and Castiel watched him nervously.   
  
"Sam called you?" His voice was quiet. Subdued. Almost like he was trying not to talk.   
  
"Yes."  
  
Castiel held his breath as Dean turned back around, nodding to the ex-angel. He pointed at Cas."You still a-" He cut himself off, clearing his throat. The brunette felt something in his chest burn for a moment as he realized what Dean was referring to. He lowered his gaze, biting his lip. He could almost  _feel_ Dean's gaze on him and he hated how it felt. Almost judging.  
  
"I'm human. My grace was stolen. There's no way to get it back." Castiel mumbled.   
  
"Oh." Dean looked surprised - like he'd expected Cas to be fine by the time he got back. Which wasn't something that could have happened at all. As much as Castiel had wanted to do something useful, like hunt or look how to get his grace back (which he didn't think he  _could_ get, seeing as it was used in a spell, it wasn't useable anymore), but he'd had to worry about more important things. Like where he'd stay or what he'd eat. If he could find a job. He was human, he needed human things, and just doing whatever and not worrying about these things wouldn't work for him anymore.   
  
Castiel cleared his throat, rubbing his hand up and down his arm. "Dean, I - what happened to you. What's  _still_ happening to you. I'm-" He stopped, a hand suddenly covering his mouth. He looked up questioningly at Dean.   
  
"If you were about to say 'I'm sorry', than you can just forget about it." He pulled his hand away and gave Castiel a sharp look. The ex-angel frowned.  
  
"Dean-"  
  
"-You didn't  _do_ anything, Cas. I'm so  _fucking_ tired of hearing you apologize for everything." Dean shouted at him and Cas jumped, flinching. The hunter took a breath, seeming to calm himself down. Cas stayed quiet. He knew Dean well enough to know when he was getting ready to say something.   
  
"I'm mad at you. I'm probably going to be mad at you forever. You didn't listen to me, you didn't trust me enough to help you. I knew something was off, and you didn't listen to me. You were so full of a  _righteous_ need to repent for - for everything - that you couldn't look into anything that was happening. You wouldn't realize that angels can be shits too. But I  _forgive_ you, Cas. I understand why you did it. It was wrong, it hurt my... feelings, but I understand why.  _I'm_ sorry. For kicking you out. I was angry and stupid, and I was clouded by my need to make someone pay for what was going on with Sammy and Heaven.  
  
"I know your grace was stolen from you, Cas, and I can't say how sorry I am for that. It's not right for an angel to get tossed into the human world so quickly. And I'm not going to say I know how you feel, because I don't. I don't know what it's like to get the very  _thing_ that makes you, you, and have it taken away. But I know how it feels to be betrayed and try to do something right - only to have it backfire so fast it gives you fuckin' whiplash. Things aren't going to be perfect I know. I can't forgive you overnight - and you the same. But I want to try."  
  
Castiel let out a choked noise and moved closer as Dean pulled him into his arms for a hug. He hadn't expected that. Cas had thought something simple - like saying he was sorry, was the only thing he could do. That Dean wasn't going to forgive him  _ever_. He'd screwed everything up. He'd broken the order of things almost single handed, and he'd tried to just go on his merry way. Cas had been upset that Dean had kicked him out but he knew full well why he'd done it.   
  
Cas had done so much wrong for them and hardly any good. He knew it was only a matter of time before he was thrown away. The only reason he supposed he'd stayed so long was because Dean had feelings for him. But here he was, the hunter telling him just that. He was mad, oh Dean was mad. And he was still willing to forgive him. As he said, he wasn't going to magically forgive him. It was a process, but he was willing to  _try_.  
  
"I can stay?" Castiel croaked out, sniffing. Dean nodded and held him tighter.   
  
"You can stay, Cas. You can stay."


End file.
